Home Education and Socialisation: How to Balance Friends, Family and Alone Time

Why Socialisation Feels Urgent

Home education is on the rise, and with it I've noticed a flood of questions online: planning learning, handling disapproving relatives or dealing with school and LA pressures. But the topic I see causing the most panic is socialisation.

Almost every home ed parent worries about this at some point. Lately though, these worries seem louder and more frantic so I want to share some thoughts on approaching it with calm and clarity, rather than fear. I've written about it before here, but this time I want to delve more deeply and offer my own experience.

Socialisation Isn't a Box to Tick

Let's start with this: Socialising does not mean prioritising seeing others above everything else, planning constant meet ups or being around other children most days.

The first, and most important, place to start (as always) is with your child. Each child's needs are different. Some children thrive with frequent social interactions, others are perfectly content with just a couple of meaningful connections each week (this is no different from adults).

Of course it’s important to encourage interaction with the community and help your child to build friendships, but it’s equally important to protect their time at home, deepening family connections and allowing them space to be alone with their ideas, play and thoughts.

Kids often do best when these three types of time are in balance:

• Time with friends, peers and community
• Time with family
• Time on their own, away from screens.

That solo time is when they can learn more about who they are, what they think and what they really enjoy.

Looking at socialisation as part of a balanced home education life, rather than a box to tick, can make a huge difference. And importantly, socialisation isn’t just about seeing friends, although it's often spoken of that way when it comes to home ed worries.

Social Interaction at Home Matters Too

The way a family communicates, listens to one another and handles conflict plays a powerful role in a child’s social development. Everyday interactions like chatting over dinner, sharing responsibilities or handling disagreements teach them essential social and emotional skills in a safe and familiar environment.

And at certain points in their development, this type of socialisation may be enough for some kids, especially those who need lower stimulation or who've had challenging experiences with friendships in school. Every child’s social preferences are different, and sometimes what feels like ‘low socialisation’ is exactly what they need at that time - as I saw with my son during lockdown.

The Lockdown Paradox - My Own Experience

I had some worries about socialisation when my son was younger, around age four. He preferred playing on his own, often overwhelmed by groups. I could have spiralled into stress about it, I was probably heading that way, but then lockdown happened and all socialising stopped anyway. The effect was surprising.

He absolutely thrived with quiet weeks and fewer social interactions. When lockdown lifted and we returned to regular groups, he was completely different in these environments. He suddenly seemed to enjoy interacting with others. I remember at one of our first meet ups he made a really close friend and that friendship is still going strong today. It was lovely to watch him form friendships naturally, at the right time and on his own terms with people he genuinely enjoyed being with. Even now he still really values time on his own, but he loves being around others too. Helping him to find the right balance is key.

Working With Your Child, Not Your Fears

I share this story because I know it's a huge worry for many parents. It’s easy to feel like we need to match the five days or more a week of social interaction as in school.

But I've seen over and over how important it is to work with your child’s needs, rather than projecting our own fears onto them. Are they distressed? Do things feel off? Are the worries coming from them, or from you?

Home education allows us to help children learn to understand their social needs, and keeping our own fears in perspective can make that learning much easier.

These worries can feel especially strong for parents whose children have been in school, where daily interactions are the norm. But 'normal' for your child is whatever feels healthiest for them, and together you’ll be able to recognise what that looks like.

A busy social life doesn’t automatically equal a happy childhood. If we lose sight of everyone’s needs and try to force too much interaction, we can quickly end up with overstimulated kids and burned-out parents. Children need time and space to get to know themselves, and learning to enjoy that quiet time can help them navigate adolescence when external influences become stronger.

Talk to your child about it - they’ll be your best guide as to what feels right.

Slow Down and Reflect

I'm writing this in December, which feels like the perfect opportunity to take a break and re-evaulate what socialisation actually means for your child and your family. The colder months tend to mean more time at home, making it easier to embrace a slower pace, smaller interactions (if that suits your child) and nurturing relationships within the family. It’s also an ideal time to create opportunities for solo play and exploration, allowing children to recharge, reflect and discover more about themselves.