If You’re Running on Empty, Everyone Feels It.

"I always try to remember that I'll be the best me I can be if I prioritise myself."

Michelle Obama

Home ed can be brilliant - but it’s a big responsibility with a lot of moving parts, and it can get full-on very quickly. Somewhere in the middle of all the things we have to do, it’s easy to push our own needs to the bottom of the list.

Most of us know we do this. It's pretty standard for any parent. It might bother us a bit, but we tend to ignore it until we're struggling. That's usually when we stop and give ourselves a break - or be forced to, through illness or exhaustion.

A few years ago, I noticed how much effort I was putting into giving my kids freedom and space to thrive - without saving much of that for myself. And since the way we live our own lives teaches our kids more than anything else, that felt like a problem. Of course, making sacrifices and taking care of their needs is part of parenting. But I know that when I’m running on empty, everyone else ends up feeling it too.

Taking care of you is an essential part of the job description of home educating - and parenting - it's not an added luxury.

This is NOT Another “Self-Care” Habit to Remember

Bubble baths not essential for 'self-care.'

Let's forget about 'self-care' in the way it's usually talked about. Long uninterrupted bubble baths and early morning routines require a childcare fairy most of the time.

This is more foundational than that. It's finding the things that make you feel like yourself and making space for them in ways that you can actually manage - and it will look different for everyone.

Call them priorities, needs or 'the things that light you up.' They're usually the first things that slip when life gets busy, but when prioritised, actually make life feel better and run more smoothly. Not perfectly - definitely don’t aim for that - just flow a little better.

When you're doing well, everyone in the family feels benefit. It's that important.

💚 This Guide Will Help You:

  1. Name the 3–5 things that are important to you and essential for your wellbeing (not your kids' needs or your partner's - but yours)
  2. Notice when they’ve been missing for a while or are slipping a bit.
  3. Bring them back into your days in manageable ways - no big resets, no guilt, no extra “habit” pressure.

Step 1: What Do You Really Need?

Take a few minutes to think about this:

  • When do you feel most yourself?
  • What do you miss or crave the most when life gets overwhelming?
  • What do you want your kids to learn from watching you live your life?

List a few things, up to 7 or 8 ideas. Don’t overthink it. If you need inspiration, here are some examples:

  • Nature – fresh air, wilderness, unplugged time
  • Creativity – hobbies, play, self-expression
  • Fun – laughter, silliness, play
  • Learning – growth, curiosity, your own interests
  • Simplicity – calm spaces, less clutter, order
  • Wellbeing – movement, rest, nourishment
  • Connection – meaningful, relaxed time with people who energize you
  • Solitude – peace, quiet, space to think
  • Community – belonging, mutual support
  • Freedom – unstructured time, choice, flexibility

Step 2: Narrow It Down

Now choose your top 3 (or as many as you can remember without having to write them down).

These are your non-negotiables. The things that will restore you and help you feel a bit more content, fulfilled and energised. The things you'll really notice when they’ve been neglected.

Step 3: Define What They Mean to You

Be specific so they’re easier to fit in:

  • Instead of Connection → Spending time with [friend/partner/family member] where I can relax and be myself.
  • Instead of Nature → Time in the woods, on the beach, or somewhere unplugged to really switch off.
  • Instead of Freedom → A dedicated 20 minutes a day or one hour a week where no one needs me.

When it’s this specific you're more likely to actually make space for it, rather than brushing off a vague goal like 'nature' for another time.

Step 4: Use Them as a Compass, Not a Rulebook

round white compass

These priorities can act like a compass, helping you come back to them as you go.

They can also act as a filter for activities and events you go to, navigating what's important to you. If you know you need some quiet time to recharge each week, it suddenly feels easier to say no to big social meet-ups or extra commitments.

Some weeks your needs will take a back seat. Sometimes they’ll clash with what everyone else needs, too. The trick is not to forget them completely - keep them in sight and fit them in where you can.

You can build in little check points now and again:

  • Ask: Have I had even one moment of [......] today / this week?
  • If not: What small change or shift needs to happen so I can make space for it?

Start small. Build it into your days and weeks like you would any other family activity, add it to your to-do list or planner. It’s more likely to happen if it’s actually on the plan, not just left to chance.

And there may not be any point in saying this because it's practically impossible as a parent sometimes - but I'm going to say it anyway 😜: DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT!

Caring for Yourself Is Caring for Them

When my kids were very little and it was just the three of us during the day, it often felt like there was no space for my own needs. They were something I’d get round to later - and sometimes it really showed. I had low energy and could get irritable easily - not the calm, patient parent I was trying to be. I actually went through a phase of questioning whether home ed was really sustainable.

My husband was incredibly supportive, even though he worked long hours. But sometimes, during tough phases with both of us trying hard to make things work, it still wasn't enough. We had many honest conversations and agreed that if we couldn’t give the kids what they needed, we’d stop home educating.

Things got to the point where we needed a big reset. I had to balance what my kids really needed with what I could realistically manage. Getting creative about how my husband and I could meet our own needs made a huge difference - to the energy we brought to the family and to how home ed worked for us.

Now, almost ten years into parenting, I can say with confidence that this matters. There may need to be tough conversations or big decisions, but it's worth it if it means you can enjoy it rather than just endure it. Self-sacrifice doesn’t work long term. I’ve seen friends in very challenging situations make space for themselves and the difference it makes to them and their family is really visible.

What to Do Next

💙 Let your kids see you taking even small amounts of time for yourself daily - not just once every few months.

💙 Let them see you do things you really enjoy - either alone or alongside them.

💙 Let them see you taking rest because you planned it in - not just when you’ve hit breaking point and locked yourself in the loo.

Try it for a couple of weeks and see what happens. It might take time for some family members to adjust. Stick with it.

If we want our kids to grow up valuing their own needs, we have to show them what that looks like.

I’m sharing this part freely because it’s such an important starting point. Parts 2 & 3 will be coming soon for paid subscribers.

💚 Part 2 is all about simple, practical ways to fit in what you need. We’ll explore where your time and energy are going, and I’ll share what’s worked for me to keep the energy and enthusiasm up for home ed.

💚 Part 3 is about bringing your needs in with the family’s - so instead of having your own separate thing, it just becomes part of what everyone enjoys and gets the benefit from.