Christmas can be wonderful - beautiful lights, great food, a sense of community, people you care about...but it can also be very full on.

If you home educate, you may know that this time of year can sometimes be quite challenging. When we gather with extended family, it can naturally bring opinions and expectations into play, especially where children are concerned. And when sensory sensitivity or neurodivergence is part of your family life, it can feel even more intense and you might find yourself quietly advocating and holding boundaries, sometimes without much support.

When my son was younger, this time of year could be tricky. He was quite sensitive to his environment which meant that the usual Christmas chaos could quickly tip into overwhelm, and I was always weighing things up: Did we let things slide, or keep just enough structure in place so the days felt manageable - and hopefully enjoyable - for everyone?

The enjoyment of time with family and friends usually outweighs the smaller frictions that occur, but being realistic about what's to come and preparing a bit in advance can make a big difference.

If you’re already feeling your shoulders creep up around your ears, I hope this post helps them drop just a little, and offers some comfort, reassurance and a few practical tips to help you through.

Why Christmas Can Be Hard for Families

Even if you don’t celebrate Christmas, this time of year usually means more gatherings, more travel, disrupted routines and more chances for other people to comment on how you bring up your kids. 🙃

Add in:

  • sensory overload
  • late nights
  • food and sugar changes
  • overexcited relatives
  • heightened expectations
  • disapproval or 'helpful advice'
  • being indoors more

… and it makes perfect sense that things feel overwhelming for kids and parents.

Understanding Overwhelm at Christmas

Some of this will already be very familiar to you. Consider this a reminder during the busy, emotionally loaded days of Christmas that certain behaviours can be early signs of overwhelm, and they make sense. There’s no need to panic.

Some signs your child might be overwhelmed:

  • seeming wired, unfocused or hard to connect with. For me this always felt like we couldn't get on the same wavelength
  • increasing irritability or rudeness that's out of character
  • bouncing between activities or feeling bored and unsettled
  • withdrawing, zoning out or hard to reach
  • melting down after holding it together, usually triggered by a transition or small conflicts

Some signs you may be overwhelmed:

  • a constant low-level dread or tension
  • feeling irritable and snappy
  • nerves feeling frayed (for me the word 'jangly' sums up this feeling)
  • being on high alert constantly, not being able to give your full attention to anyone or anything
  • letting things slide because you don’t have the energy to deal with it (even though you know you'll regret it later!)
  • wanting to hide somewhere quiet - a bedroom, the wardrobe, the loo!

Quick Grounding Tools That Have Helped

These aren’t meant to fix everything but they can buy you and your child a bit of breathing space and calm.

🥯 A snack - an obvious one but very effective at any age

At different points with both of my kids, I've enticed them away from the noise or overwhelm to sit somewhere quiet and have a snack and a chat. It would give them a few minutes rest, topped up their energy and we could connect a bit.

Food and drink can be a big part of festive dysregulation - especially when you’re eating different things or at different times - so this was often my first port of call. This alone is sometimes enough.

🌙 Step Outside

This one has the highest success rate for us, but can be the hardest to do if the weather is dark and wet, you have a reluctant child or it feels like a bit too much effort. But even standing on the doorstep or sticking your head out of the window for some fresh air can help change the sensory input and reset things surprisingly fast.

🎲 Reconnect With Something Familiar

Having a simple escape plan really helps. Favourite activities to retreat to in a quiet room are a good option - card games, books, iPad, magazines or a favourite toy - especially if you're away from home. It offers some comfort and familiarity when things are overstimulating.

When my son was younger, he found a large cardboard box at my parents' house at Christmas time and climbed inside with the lid down. It became his little retreat. By the end of the visit, all the cousins had claimed boxes of their own and no one was particularly interested in the gifts! 📦

👨‍👧 1:1 time with a particular family member

When there are other adults around, hopefully helping to take the load off or keep an eye on other children, it can be an ideal opportunity to spend some one-to-one time with your kids.  But it can also be really meaningful if there are much-loved grandparents, aunts, uncles or family friends available to bond with too. These relationships can be wonderfully supportive, and this kind of connection can be particularly helpful if you’re feeling stretched or need a break.

💻 Screens

For some children, a familiar game or show in a calm space can be genuinely regulating when things feel overwhelming. For others, it's the exact opposite of what they need, especially if Christmas has been screen heavy. However you deal with it, it's always good to follow up with some one-to-one connection to help them feel grounded again before heading back into any big gatherings or noisy environments.

A Few Things To Do Before a Gathering

We can’t control everything (nor should we try), but a bit of preparation can take the edge off when you know what helps. "Prepare for the worst, hope for the best" was a phrase we used a lot when things were particularly tricky in the younger years or in sensitive periods.

A few things that can help beforehand if you know things can get tricky:

  • Let your child know what to expect in advance, and that you’ll help them take breaks if they need them. Being open about this builds connection and trust.
  • Agree on a simple signal they can use when they need time out - a look, a word or a simple phrase like "Time for that break we talked about."
  • Mention anything important in advance to whoever's hosting - or if you have people coming over - but only if it feels significant (and no need to over-explain!).
  • Plan in some downtime such as a walk, a quiet room to retreat to or a movie so there are moments of spaciousness built in to the days, giving everyone some much needed breathing space.

Often, these small adjustments are enough to take the edge off. But when they’re not, the hardest part is not so much not knowing what to do but when to step in or what to say in the moment, especially to other people who may not understand.

If you’d like more help with that, I’ve created: 🫂 Family Gathering Support: What to Do, What to Say and How to Hold Boundaries Calmly

It includes:

  • guidance for handling overstimulation as it happens
  • support for families navigating sensitivity or neurodivergence, including calm boundary setting with others
  • ready-to-use scripts for tricky moments, so you can advocate for your children without it overshadowing Christmas

It’s here if you’d find that kind of support helpful and if not, I hope this post has helped you feel a little calmer heading into Christmas.🎄