We hear this phrase a lot: “the good enough mother.”
It gives us permission to release ourselves from impossible standards.
And yet, despite hearing it, I find actually accepting it much harder.
Because ‘good enough' - in motherhood - spills into every corner of our lives. Good enough meals, a good enough 'clean and tidy' house, a good enough connection with our kids, a good enough education, a good enough contribution to the environment - even good enough self-care. There can be a low level hum of inadequacy in everything we do.
I used to be quite the perfectionist when it came to parenting. When my kids were little, I treated motherhood like a new full-time job that I had to ace. As a stay-at-home mum, the pressure felt especially intense. Surely, with all my time dedicated to it, I shouldn't mess anything up?
Wrong. So very wrong.
Motherhood isn't like any other job. It’s a role where so much works against you from the start. The tiredness, the wild swings of your own emotions and the equally unpredictable emotions and needs of your kids. There’s no clearly outlined job description, no appraisals or check-ins with an understanding senior manager..and it has a habit of consuming everything.
When Good Enough Feels Heavy
So discovering the idea of “good enough” was a relief. But what I noticed was that while people said it was okay to be good enough, reality often pointed elsewhere. Social media, parenting books and well-meaning advice from others subtly communicated that while "good enough" was acceptable, "perfection" was still the gold standard.
We see posts and hear shares of perfectly balanced meals, spotless homes worthy of Ideal Home magazine, or handmade everything - from bread to cleaning products. Inspiring? Sometimes. Useful? Maybe. But also, pretty discouraging. Suddenly, fish fingers for dinner or the bottle of bleach under the sink feel like failures.
What those images don’t show are the hours in the kitchen, the outside help, or the sacrifices made elsewhere. And while there’s nothing wrong with those choices, the danger is thinking we need a “starter kit” for every area of life - striving for expert-level perfection across the board.
But people are experts for a reason: they focus on one thing. Motherhood - and home education - are not 'one thing'.
Always Measuring Ourselves
I sometimes wonder if those of us reimagining parenthood and education feel an even stronger pressure to be fully capable in every area - because our curiosity and desire to do things differently make us notice every place we could improve.
My mum often jokes about how much easier parenting was before the internet. She had no idea what was happening inside other people’s homes, and therefore no reason to compare herself. Now, we’re bombarded with images, opinions and advice of what we should ideally be doing, making it so much harder to accept ‘good enough.’
The Gift of Imperfect
Over time, I’ve found I’m more inspired by those who don’t hold themselves to impossibly high standards. Watching their ease and lightness reminded me that letting go of perfection can actually make life - and parenting - feel lighter. And I've noticed it in my own family too. When I release the pressure to be perfect, there's more relaxation, more laughter and I notice the positive effect around me. And nothing terrible happens. In fact, quite the opposite.
In those early years of chasing perfection, I ended up stressed and feeling good at nothing. Prioritising what’s actually important and accepting ‘good enough’ (and let's face it, just plain crap sometimes) for everything else, really does work so much better.
If this resonates, maybe think about one small area you could ease up on this week in a way that feels right for you. It might be a bit more screen time, using freezer meals or a delivery on the really chaotic days, or picking the convenient option instead of the organic, natural one when time’s tight. You might find it opens up a little space and relief - and even notice that nothing bad happens when you do.
I'd love to hear about any experiments you try this week - drop me an email at jo@thehomeedhelp.com. (Mine will be a lazy, convenience approach to packed lunches - my least favourite job of the week. At least they'll never be as bad as the crap I ate in school as a child!).s