The Reading & Writing Worry

It's funny, isn't it? Of all the skills our kids learn - playing a team sport, mastering a new language or managing big feelings - reading and writing seem to carry the most weight.

With home ed we can step away from the pressures of school, but the worries still find a way of sneaking in. A lot of that comes from outside expectations - simple activities like signing a name in a birthday card become highly scrutinised and seen as a reflection of our capabilities as a home educator! But often the biggest pressure comes from ourselves.

We might prefer that our kids go at their own pace - learning to read and write when they're ready and curious - but we also might feel a pull towards helping them along.

Reading and writing are a big part of everyday life, so it’s natural to worry about how - and when - our kids will pick them up. But the fear of forcing it is real, too. Pressure can kill curiosity and confidence. If we want learning to be something they want to do rather than a struggle, then how do we strike the balance between ensuring they're capable of these important skills without ruining their enjoyment and motivation?

I've struggled with this too

My son was an early reader. He seemed to just get it. He had plenty of exposure to reading - we read to him a lot. But looking back, it was as much fuelled by his love of trains, his interest in the details of things and a knack for self-directed learning, as it was anything that we did. It felt effortless with him, and helped to give me confidence with home ed to follow more of a self-directed approach.

But my daughter was totally different! She loved stories, but learning to read was a slower process for her. There was no rush, but I sensed she’d genuinely enjoy being able to read the piles of books she was always looking at. While I believe in letting learning unfold naturally at the right time, I felt that with some gentle support and intention, I might help to open that door when she was ready. I wasn’t going to push, just offer enough encouragement.

It was the same with writing. She’d often write little notes to us, but always repeated the same lines, clearly wanting to express more but feeling stuck. A helping hand felt right here, so we started writing little notes back to her, sometimes with simple questions to answer - and crucially, letting her know that her spelling didn’t matter; we could read her replies perfectly.

With this new purpose and an understanding that it didn't have to be 'perfect', her writing began to take off. She eventually progressed to writing longer notes, letters and lists. No pressure, just a bit of intention at the right time, and the learning was all hers.

Knowing When to Help

This wasn't a quick process - it's taken a good two years to go from the early stages of reading and writing to being able to do it confidently by herself. For some kids it will take longer. She would have made it there on her own eventually, but by supporting her at the right time and respecting her natural tendencies, it helped her along and unlocked new possibilities - and there was no stopping her after that.

Reading and writing aren't innate human skills like walking and spoken language - it's easy to forget this when we hear so much about children who just 'pick it up naturally'. We can overlook the fact that even those kids who seem to pick things up quickly and effortlessly do still have some input, but it looks different for everyone. While my son thrived with exposure and independent exploration, a more guided approach helped my daughter along. The end result was the same - two confident readers who learnt on their own terms.

It's ok to step in when needed. It’s easy to worry that we'll accidentally stifle our kids’ natural motivation, but it doesn’t have to be an either/or situation. We can support them without taking over, working with them to unlock learning at the right time, whatever that looks like for your child.

It sounds simple - knowing our children, trusting our approach, and having strategies ready - but it’s a huge responsibility and it's difficult, delicate work. Through this website, I hope to support you in doing just that - exploring what works for your family, for you to feel reassured even when things are tough, and to find practical resources and inspiration to help you along.