Beginner Mini Guide 4: How to Handle Family and Friends Who Don’t Understand Home Education

Mentioning that you home educate your kids can stop a conversation in its tracks, and is usually followed by 'What about socialisation or exams?' as though you haven't spent any time thinking about this at all.

This choice is bound to invite opinions. Most are harmless curiosity, but it's harder when those closest to you struggle to accept it.

None of us make this decision lightly. By the time we talk about it, we’ve already done the thinking and the research, but for partners and other family members, it might be the first time they’ve even heard of it, let alone had time to process it.

So it’s not surprising if they don’t jump on board straight away. Their reactions often come from fear or concern, and those worries take time to ease.

How to navigate this

It helps to have people on board. Home ed can be demanding, and doing it without support is tough. Still, it can be tricky to balance differences without straining relationships.

Here are a few tips based on what’s helped me over the years. These conversations can be delicate and take effort to navigate, but in my experience, the payoff is worth it.

1. It's not your job to do the research for others

If someone has worries about home ed, like socialising or qualifications, it’s much better they do their own research instead of you handing over every book, article or podcast you’ve ever gone through on the subject.

People with strong opinions can often focus on what doesn’t fit their views and dismiss the rest, so just giving them your information rarely helps. They need to reach their own conclusions.

This keeps the conversation fair and helps everyone make informed decisions, especially if you need their support.

2. Ask the right questions

If someone’s reluctant or resistant to the idea of home education, try to find out what's behind their concerns rather than immediately trying to convince them.

The following questions can help:

• What are your biggest worries about home education?
• What is it about school that feels more reassuring or secure?
• How confident are you that school would meet all those needs?
• What might make you feel more comfortable looking into home education?

3. Separate real concerns from fears

Some worries, like finances or long-term plans, are valid and worth working through together. Others, like concerns about socialisation or academic progress, often come from common misconceptions.

For example, my husband was really unsure about home education at first. He worried about my wellbeing and whether we’d be setting the kids up for success - exams, university etc. But as he did his own research and spoke to other home educators, he realised the exam worries weren’t as big an issue as he thought. My wellbeing, however, and how I would manage it full time, were things we needed to make a plan for.

5. Choose how you talk

A short course in Non-Violent Communication along with Marshall Rosenberg's book, completely changed how I approached tricky conversations. Here are a few pointers to help keep the conversation constructive rather than turning it into a battle over who's right or wrong:

• Pick the right moment, so definitely not when anyone's tired or tense.
• Really listen without reacting. Try to hear the other person out without interrupting or preparing what you're going to say next. (This is very hard but extremely powerful.)
• Reflect back to them what you’ve heard to show you really understand their point of view.
• Avoid criticism or generalisations ('you always…' or 'you never...'). This can instantly create defensiveness in the other person which is a fast route to an argument!
• If things heat up, take a break and plan to come back to revisit the conversation another day.
• If talking isn't working or isn't possible, writing an email or letter can help you express yourself clearly and calmly, giving both sides time to reflect without pressure.

4. Let them see it in action

Sometimes people need to see home ed to believe it works. When I ran a group, newcomers often brought grandparents or partners along so they could chat to other families and get a feel for it (and to see that home ed kids do actually socialise - a lot! 😄).

Seeing home education firsthand and speaking to other parents is often the only way to really understand why families choose it. It was amazing to meet these visitors, hear their worries and see their perspectives shift after just a few conversations with other families.

When it's not working

Sometimes you might need to step back from someone to protect yourself from interference or intrusion. Boundaries, like pausing a conversation until it can be calm and respectful, or giving yourself space until things settle, can really help. Your focus is your children and their education, not convincing others of your choice.

Ultimately, we can only control our own actions, not how others react. Most people who question us do so out of love, they just see things differently. Meeting that with calm confidence when we can (which isn’t always easy) makes a difference.

And remember, you don’t need everyone on board. Some people never will be. Your priority is your children and their wellbeing.